it’s a different world

June 4, 2010

it’s a different kind of feeling than i thought it would be.

what exactly is the point of life? in my world, there is no difference between being alive and having no life. who is to say that there is? the only way we know feeling is by relating it to non-feeling. which, in itself, is impossible. you cannot not feel, you are always alive, so how can you be so sure what it is to be not alive?

you can feel a stone, you can feel the cold. coldness, un-moving are both associated now with non-living. but i know a lot of cold and un-moving people. my only qualm with this is, do i have a life? hah. thinking about that makes me want to laugh.

I’d like to reach out and touch the things that i want. when i walk down the road, the air is hot and the sky is at dusk, the sun is holding my skin like a blanket. looking around, the trees and the grass seem to be going backwards while i am staying still. this moment is so similar to how we used to lay around and forget about everything. it’s crazy how much i remember everything you are. in a way, i believe that the feeling i have makes you as real as you need to be – for me. though you may not see me again, i can feel your influence in every dream i stop to think about. you’ve created something so amazing in my head, such a small time you were in my life and yet your influence branched out quickly and gripped like ivy growing up my legs. all of the pain and misery in life is nothing compared to the few minutes of pure imagery that plagues my brain when things are quiet.

i want to work out on the outside, i want to do pull-ups on monkey bars and i want to flip swings and play kickball like crazy. i want to sit outside in these summer nights and let the thousands of stars watch me enjoy a sinless smoke. perfection is held so close to me that i can’t help thinking about it.

if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s alright. as long as you are happy, i will be too.

(pictures unrelated)


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